Wednesday, December 14, 2016

16. How to Cope with a No?

Convert the 'No' problem into 'No problem!'

I talked about the need for you to say 'No.' But what if others say 'no' to you?

Since I said that we should sometimes be prepared to refuse what others seek from us, it is only logical to understand that we should also be willing to accept 'no' for an answer, from other people.

Unfortunately, one of the most difficult things in life is to accept a 'no.' There are many reasons why a 'no' hurts us so much. Some of these reasons are to do with our conditioning. You might have noticed children crying when the parents say 'no' to them. This experience gets embedded in our minds and we unconsciously go to that state even in our grown up state, when we receive a 'no.'

Another factor influencing our attitude to receiving a negative answer can be our ego. There is an unconscious belief in many of us that we are entitled to receive what we crave for. We also have a rationalising process running in our minds that will make us believe that whatever we desire is reasonable. How often do we think or even say, "After all, this is what I asked for" and fault the other person, the world or even God for not granting what we asked for!

There are two components driving our ego. One is the disappointment of not getting what we want and the other is the pain of rejection we experience.

Thus, if we want to configure ourselves to accept a 'no,' we should do something to overcome these two feelings - a feeling of disappointment and a feeling of getting hurt by rejection.

How do we overcome these two feelings?

The only way to overcome disappointment is to realise that there are other sources that  could satisfy us. This means either that we could get what we want from other sources (persons or places.) or that or that we could go for something different that will give us satisfaction. If you don't get admission from a university of your choice, you should convince yourself that there are other universities offering the same course. Or, you feeling of rejectioncan decide to go for a different course or even take up a job that has the potential for your growth.

The  can be overcome only by developing our self esteem. . You will know that you are too strong to be put down by a 'no' from someone.

It is not easy to cultivate a mindset on the above lines. But it is possible. It needs practice. But first it needs conviction  - a strong belief that this kind of thinking will work for you and that you are capable of cultivating such thinking.

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